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we regret to inform you that croc gloves exist now

Thanks I hate them.

by Alim Kheraj
|
31 July 2019, 11:55am

Screenshot via YouTube

Let’s not lie to ourselves -- Crocs have mutated from the fugly footwear your grandma wears while gardening to a must-have fashion item. Balenciaga and Christopher Kane have sent their interpretation of the enduring footwear down the runway, and, let’s be real, we want a pair.

But as James Blake and Feist once (nearly) sang, there’s a limit to our love. Yes we’re here for questionable shoe designs and weird denim panties, however we have to draw the line somewhere. And that line hasn’t just been drawn; it’s been tattooed, spray painted and then marked in stone. Why? Because someone has made a pair of Croc gloves.

The Croc gloves are the creation of Unnecessary Inventions and, for some reason, still sport the strap that is meant to keep the heel of your foot in place. The pair sported in the promotional imagery are classic Croc blue and give off serious “lock you in my basement, flay you alive and wear your skin” vibes.

What’s especially confusing about the Croc gloves is that rather than provide any real protection from the elements, the signature Croc holes and fingerless style still leave your hands open to injury and cold. They also look like they’d restrict your movement rather than provide an ergonomic experience.

It does appear that these new accessories are unlicensed and so, for now, aren’t available for sale (although, surely it’s only a matter of time). Nevertheless, Croc gloves exist now. We can’t take them back. They’re here and we have to accept that.