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this conspiracy theory about robyn will blow your mind

Dancing on My Own will never sound the same again.

by Georgie Wright
|
28 June 2017, 5:00pm

A post shared by robynkonichiwa (@robynkonichiwa) on

If you know Good Pop Music, which you should, because it is Good and it is Pop and it is Music, then you know Robyn. If you don't, then we probably can't be friends. And we should also inform that Robyn is a Very Good Popstar who makes Very Good Pop Music.

But whether you know her music or not, you probably don't know this conspiracy theory that's on par with the whole did we/didn't we land on the moon thing. So hold onto your knickers folks and prepare to have your mind blown.

I know. I know. I know.

If you don't know, well let us elaborate. Dancing on My Own and Call Your Girlfriend are two of Robyn's absolute biggest bangers, bangers that rate a whopping 13 tonnes of pink glitter out of 9 confetti cannons (a totally accurate and scientific scale obvs).

Call Your Girlfriend is about Robyn (we'll call her Robyn 1) telling her new lover to call his gf and let her know that there's a new gal on the scene, and that their relationship is over, soz bb.

Dancing on My Own is about a different Robyn (Robyn 2) standing in the corner watching her boyf snog someone else, which sucks in a big, fat, not at all pink and sparkly kind of way.

Read: David Lynch's new series of Twin Peaks is destroying all the things you think you enjoy about television.

So -- if this conspiracy theory is true, it basically means that Robyn 1 is telling her lover to tell his girlfriend -- that's Robyn 2 -- to break up with Robyn 2. Which basically means that Robyn has the miraculous ability to jump from one person's head into the other's. Or as it's called in the real world, 'taking a look at the story from the other person's perspective'.

I know. I know. I know.

Meanwhile, I'll be in the corner as Robyn 3, the one from Handle Me, the totally completely one hundred percent single one yelling at the 'selfish narcissistic psycho freaking boot-licking Nazi creep'.

YOU CAN'T HANDLE ME. 

Read: Tim Walker captures the surreal majesty of Tilda Swinton.

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Text Georgie Wright