a guide to sex and love in 2015
From the perfect couples to the nice guys who never get the girls, here's our guide to love in 2015.
I can perfectly recall the day I was playing with a female friend when her recently divorced mother, an old school mother like Madonna, gave her this advice: "Daughter, love depends on how sad your life is". We were 12 years old, and at that moment we didn't understand. But last week, during one of those days when you imagine how your life would be if you were smart enough not to fall in love-whilst eating ice cream out of the tub and looking at Tumblr to find the phrase you're going to get tattooed on your arm and listening to Sad Girl by Lana Del Rey on repeat-I finally understood.
From an early age, society informs us that we all must find the love of our life but how much are we pressured into trying to achieve such an unrealistic goal? Why are all the kids obsessed with Frozen, and finding true love to break the curse affecting their ice-cold hearts? Is it because we can't be happy on our own? It's 2015 and love has changed. We live in an era where your phone can hook you up with beautiful guys and girls in your neighbourhood, women have decided to #FreeTheNipple on Twitter, and gender and sexual ambiguity is in.
Why don't we, young people, give up once and for all this very old-fashioned idea of love?
You've had your heart broken a couple of times, you've left the person that your mother wanted you to marry, and now you're trying to fill the void in your bed with hook ups you found in clubs. But deep down you're tired of doing the walks of shame in last nights clothes and make-up while the rest of the world is heading to work and getting on with real life. Seriously, you don't have to be obsessed with finding somebody to keep your bed warm; consider that these could be the last few years where you get to think only about yourself, so enjoy them. And if you end up single forever, well enjoy them anyway.
You can't imagine how happy you can be on your own. And I'm not one of those people who boasts about not being in love and then goes to the bathroom to cry over a picture of their ex. No, I'm saying this in all seriousness. Nobody is going to love you more than yourself. You only have to look at the couples all around you to see that they are way more pathetic than you…
The Perfect Lovers…
These are the worst. They are handsome, intelligent, and successful. They don't stop boasting about their love on Facebook, taking sick-making pictures of each other on Instagram, and they're so unbothered about other people that they end up with no friends. After ten years you'll find out that she ran away with the gardener and he came out of the closet.
He's never alone. He has a partner and one day he meets someone better. But he doesn't break up with her until he has a good grip on the new conquest. Just like passing from vine to vine.
The Old-Before-Their-Time Couples…
There's almost certainly have at least one couple like this in your group of friends. They are 25, but behave as if they were 50. When you go out to have a few beers with them they won't stop talking about how expensive dog food is-a test for how it will be when they have children and start moaning about school catchment areas and childcare-and how much her boyfriend likes the risotto she cooks.
In every relationship there is always someone who wants more than the other-if, in your case, you both want exactly the same thing, then you have found your soulmate and can stop reading now. Conformists know they could do better, but are so afraid of being alone that they prefer to stay in the comfort of their couch while they get a foot massage. They will never be happy.
The Nice Guy Who Never Gets The Girl…
My favourites. They are such good people that they always end up being left for someone else. But they never give up, at any moment their soulmate will appear, coming around the corner.
The Fuck Buddies…
Fuck Buddies always end up falling in love, which can be awkward. Or only one of them does. And that's worse.
That said, I think people should have various relationships before finding "the one". Give yourself the pleasure of spending time with interesting people who you have fun with (dickhead boyfriends who never call you back and scrounge money off you don't count). It is very important to experiment with your sexuality and interact with many types of people; you will grow as a person and become a better human being.
But first you have to know who you are, and be happy with yourself, to be happy with someone. How will you know if you are with the right person if you don't even know what colour to dye your hair? So you have to forget about romance and the pursuit of true love to be happy. Your happiness can't depend on someone else, and you can't pass that responsibility onto anyone. Channel your life towards what you really want to do, try to become the person you want to be and, one day, if you meet that person, you can rest assured he or she will love you for more than just your pretty face.
Photography Mark J Sebastian