10 of the best worst fashion moments from gossip girl
Happy 10-year anniversary to the least woke show of the millennium!
Gossip Girl is a pretty fucked up show isn't it. A bunch of white kids spend their chauffeur-driven days frolicking around NYC attempting to bed every member of their extended social circle and their great aunt-twice removed. Meanwhile, a broody pair of walking cheekbones with the moniker Lonely Boy (honestly) bitches about it all anonymously on the internet, while throwing a perpetual pity party in his 'slummin-it-on-the-rough-side-of-town' 5173 square foot loft in #hip Brooklyn. It is the definitive opposite of 2k17 woke TV.
It should therefore be no surprise that it first aired ten years ago. But it is, a colossal one, because holy crap I swear it was just yesterday I was running a comb backwards through my hair attempting to get Serena's perfectly tousled just-had-raging-sex hair for my first day back at school. So, in honour of this disastrously wonderful show's tenth anniversary, we look back at its top ten high fash tidbits in the terrifying knowledge that one day they'll probably come back in style.
1. Headbands should be like, so 2017
Whatever happened to headbands huh? I feel like they got lost in down the rabbit hole with Alice and swept into the coffin when Taylor Swift 1.0 died. But they are practical and keep your colleague from reminding you 24/7 that your bangs are making sweet love to your Tesco's Finest minestrone. Bring back headbands!
2. There are so many ways to customise a uniform! Wow!
This was crucial back yonder when a plaid floor length skirt was the requisite attire for 87% of your waking life. Thank god Gossip Girl showed us the numerous ways one can rework it. How about a suggestive untucked shirt with a loose necktie as per sexy Serena? Play coy with a bowtie a la Blair? In my case I just rolled my waist belt over a few too many times and had to spend a lunchtime scraping chewing gum off the underside of the lunch hall benches. But whatever, you're an adult now and tartan is totally still in fashion, so pop on down to the nearest uniform shop and then go ham on the safety pins.
3. Also a lot of scarf options
Winter is coming, as are scarfs and the all consuming dilemma of how to properly tie them. Wrap it round and tight like tinsel on a Christmas tree? The tried and tested fold-in-half-then-loop-back-through number? Drape it across the outside of your coat a la Chuck Bass, providing no real added neck warmth whatsoever, but adding a dapper dash of je ne sais quois? Whatever your neck shape, length, and temperature, Gossip Girl has the scarf tying option for you.
4. On the subject of winter, they were quite into a rainbow of tights
Still not sold on walking around like an extra from Elf tbh.
5. Nothing says BFF like corresponding outfits in different colours
Can't figure out who designed Blair and Serena's matching backless designer dresses either? No worries hun, these baby pink sweatshirts from CouplesGoalsShop should do the trick. <3
6. The Dandy never died
Pocket squares! Waistcoats! Purple suits! Bow ties! Chuck Bass can do no wrong. That said, maybe err away from this one unless you have a jawline of his calibre to distract from the frightening fashion faux pas, or you're a card carrying Tory.
7. Signpost your coming-of-age with a tub of eyeliner and some fishnets
A inch of coal around your eyes and some raunchy legwear is still the international unspoken indicator of 'don't fuck me with mum I'm discovering alcohol and puberty and want everyone to know it' *blasts Panic at the Disco on the walkman*
8. More is more! Enough is not enough!
Coco Chanel once said, "before leaving the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory." Well Chanel had clearly never seen Gossip Girl, because there is no end of bling-on-patterns-on-sequins-on-diamond encrusted tiaras. I want to say I hate it but… Ok, I hate it.
9. High necks = sex
Just because you're wearing a pussy bow don't mean your actual one isn't getting any action. Quite the opposite -- as Blair's predilection for high necks indicates, the more buttons you do up, the more sexy unbuttoning you can do!
10. If you don't have a cross body satchel, are you even a writer though?
Lonely Boy was scarcely seen sans his manbag, which in hindsight makes total sense because (SPOILER) where else would he stash his 5kg Dell laptop on which he could spuriously expose the Upper East Side's dirty designer laundry? At time of writing, I do not possess such an accessory and quite frankly, I feel like a fraud. So with that…
XOXO, Gossip Girl.