7 pure TikTok accounts to follow for lockdown 2.0

Let’s ride out the second wave like we did the first: scrolling endlessly through dumb and sweet shit on the internet.

by Douglas Greenwood
04 November 2020, 8:09pm

Remember the months of March through to June 2020? It was the time in which the entire planet collectively lost its shit — think morgues overflowing, mass panic, streets and shops empty — and all we could find brief respite in was a video of a woman screeching at the top of her lungs in search of her lost parrot, an African Grey, called Chanel. Enter TikTok, the social media app that helped bolster said woman’s short-lived internet notoriety, and reminded us that purity and humour still exists in times of despair. 

The internet is a woman who possesses multitudes. She’s destructive and depressing, but also a balm; necessary in times of fear and loneliness, to remind us that things don’t always have to be as gloomy as they seem. With this in mind, TikTok is quite simply the only place we must return to for the second wave of pandemic-induced lockdown. Switch off from the 24/7 news cycle, open up your For You Page and check this lot out. 

There are good people, there are really good people and then there is LisaLisa80sGirl, a 52-year-old, self-confessed “old married woman, but still a kid at heart”. Over the past year, Lisa has racked up over 11k followers on TikTok. She dons cute outfits and dances-slash-lip syncs to both modern hits and songs she remembers from her teenage years. Throughout the pandemic, she did a beautiful job of articulating what it was like to go through job insecurity mid-Covid and during the Trump era. Anyone who treats her like a deity gets called out too: no one is greater than God in her eyes. We’d say we’d throw hands for her but she’d probably not approve of that either. Protect her at all costs.

Whether you’re a dog lover or not, there’s something about the proliferation of canine content on TikTok that helps it become something of a safe space. After all, dogs are probably the most useful domesticated animals we have. (Cats are cute, but they sorta just sleep and disappear for days on end). Dogs, however, are attentive; none more than Lola the Husky who, along with her owner Dutch, have spent the past several months playing Hide and Seek with each other to an audience of 2.2 million people on TikTok. Our hearts!

Is there anything more instantly soothing than the familiar Northern Irish droll of Emma Kearney saying, “Hello people”? Probs not. The makeup artist’s chaotic Instagram flits between videos of her creating ostentatious beauty looks and ranting about being deadly hungover. But there’s an unwritten pact she’s created with her followers: she never likes to take the piss out of others and promises to be unintentionally funny as hell every time she hits record. Case in point? Her unpacking a healthy food shop featuring, “long stem broccoli or some shite”. She’s carefree and hugely likeable; the perfect tonic for another month of not leaving the house.

Children: a controversial concept! Can we bring them into the world while knowing that their ancestors have royally screwed up the planet they will inherit? Well, if they are as sweet as baby Grey then yes, it’s absolutely okay. 5.8 million people already enjoy this mother-and-son account in which a very wise toddler’s formative experiences, and the way he computes and copies the world around him, is a perfect reminder that young children see things differently to us. Give this hilarious kid a knighthood tbh.

Imagine you became famous on the Internet for being expressionless? Like, not ever moving your face no matter how excited or sad or flirtatious or funny you were being? This is the incredible USP of Olivia on TikTok, a British 17-year-old whose videos sometimes nab as many as a million views at a time. Our favourites? The above, which screams trans rights, her being sly and flirty (we could never) and her telling you that man you’re chasing is trash and not worth your time! Olivia, TikTok sensation and life coach, we love you.

@llilmaz was a username you probably saw a lot of this summer. The British teenager spent much of 2020 appearing on everybody’s For You page, famed for her responses to trends and the TikTok cognoscenti (read: The Hype House) going constantly viral. But in a sea of delusion she is TikTok’s voice of reason, segueing between genuinely insightful, young socio-political commentary and self-deprecating videos in which her instantly recognisable laugh takes centre stage. Influencers are a strange bunch, but God the amount of serotonin you can store from scrolling through Maz’s feed is unparalleled. We stan. 

Okay, hear us out! She may have been wrapped up in some anti-5G business a few weeks ago, and maybe she had her account deleted after making merch with someone else’s intellectual property, but if you can set that aside, PandaGirl.94 (as she was known on her first account) continues to be Britain’s answer to Charli D’Amelio. Only instead of her dancing with Jason DeRulo, she’s bargain-hunting in supermarkets and proudly reviewing her takeaways with the now iconic, “Proper bargain and proper nice as well” — regardless of the price. Her chaotic versatility continues (see the video above) but it’s safe to say we’re really keen to see how our Scouse queen will handle lockdown 2.0. Thank god they’ve not shut down the places she frequents, that’s all we’ll say. 

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