Photography Daan Dam

exclusive: a first look at the new issue of techno zine 'borshch'

Your favourite underground electronic music magazine is celebrating the release of their fourth edition. In an excerpt from the cover story, DJ and producer Object Blue talks imposter syndrome.

by Juule Kay
14 March 2019, 10:53am

Photography Daan Dam

This article originally appeared on i-D Germany.

"The Sound Mind Issue of Borshch magazine dives deep into the darkest corners of the psyche and provokes honest dialogues. We speak with musicians who use the transformative power of music to purge, heal and enlighten," say founders Mariana Berezovska and Tiago Biscaia. Among the musicians featured in their fourth issue are Danse Noire founder Aïsha Devi, Berlin-based producer JASSS and i-D fave Object Blue. "We seek openness and honesty to remind ourselves of the uniting force of underground communities and to rediscover empathy through making, listening and dancing to music," the duo continue.

We are pleased to present you with an exclusive short excerpt from the cover interview, by Claire Mouchemore, in which Object Blue speaks openly about her depression and impostor syndrome:

object blue borshch
Photography Daan Dam

I know a lot of people deal with imposter syndrome, the feeling of not deserving opportunities, on a daily basis. Have you dealt with that?
It was Laurel Halo who told me, 'don't worry about imposter syndrome, it never goes away.' It's time to make peace with my imposter syndrome and stop fighting it. Another way I deal with it is finding out about myself and my ego. It's not really about you and how you feel about yourself -- think about what you can do for others. We all have imposter syndrome, we always have, and everything that people want to say to us in a derogatory manner -- we've already thought it. So, go ahead and say it. We've had that conflict with us everywhere, and we're still smashing up dancefloors. Follow in our footsteps. Music is a higher power than all of us and I'm just a servant to the mother beat; I don't get any say and that's quite freeing.

It's coming to terms with the fact that you cannot control everything and you should not try to and that's definitely ego-related, wanting to be in control.
Exactly. Whether people think you're an imposter or not, let's just do it. We have to move past that.

object blue borshch
Photography Daan Dam

You're quite open about your mental health on social media. How do you deal with your mental health getting in the way of your music?
I really have no shame about living with chronic depression. I feel more shame in having mental health issues and not treating them because that's when they really harm the people around you. I became depressed when I was 13 and I only managed to start therapy when I was 19. Therapy was instrumental to my recovery. Instead of doing a nameless job -- it's really easy to spiral and I think that's why so many musicians have breakdowns and deal with a lot of mental health issues. We have a big ego which has been nurtured since we were young for being artists. I did not have that, I was incredibly bad at the piano and had that ego broken down very early and very severely. My parents thought I really sucked, and that kick-started my depression.

When I start to write again [after a low period] I think about what I need. A walk, something to eat, a shower, or to sit down and watch a film. I do stuff that is healthy for me. I live normally and wait for it to come back on its own, and it always comes back. I talk a lot about music being a higher realm, but we, the instrument of that musical creation are just people -- we are not among that higher existence, we're still ineffective babies. You have to pay attention to baby. There's no magic solution or something you can tap into.


borshch cover object blue
Photography Daan Dam

The launch party for the new issue of Borshch will take place on Saturday 16 March in Berlin. More information here.

This article originally appeared on i-D DE.

object blue
The Sound Mind Issue
Daan Dam