​the naughtiest thing theresa may has ever done is run through a field of wheat

In a recent interview, Theresa May admitted she has never actually had fun in her life, suggesting she is dead inside and must actually be an evil robot, because the naughtiest thing she has ever done is yes, running through a field of wheat. Please...

by Felix Petty
06 June 2017, 5:30pm

"I want a person who runs through fields of wheat for Prime Minister," was rejected from the first draft of Zoe Lennard's poem I Want A Dyke For President for being an utterly rubbish line to include in a poem.

However, when pressed by an interviewer on ITV News for the naughtiest thing she's ever done, Theresa May suggested just that. According to May, the naughtiest thing she's ever done is run through a field of wheat, which may have annoyed a farmer. Do you want a person who counts running through a field of wheat as the naughtiest thing they have ever done for Prime Minister? I don't.

There are plenty of jokes and puns we could make about harvesting, or sorting the wheat from the chaff. Maybe even a joke about bread? A joke about Theresa May's Snoopers Charter and the corn having ears.

No. We are not facile here at i-D. Instead may we suggest that some of the naughtiest things Theresa May has actually done include: the Bedroom Tax; denying disability benefits to 165,000 people; scrapping housing benefit for young people; using EU citizens as pawns in her Brexit negotiations; fucking over junior doctors; privatising the NHS; increasing tuition fees; failing to sort the housing crisis; cutting unemployment and sick benefits; scrapping the Human Rights Act; cutting police funding; and abandoning thousands of refugees. That's not really 'naughty' though, is it? More coldhearted? Evil maybe?

This gaffe — in which, I repeat, Theresa May claimed the naughtiest thing she has ever (ever!) done was run through a field of wheat — is just the latest in which the current PM has proven to be a less than relatable figure. Despite her impressive lead in the polls when she called the general election, the Labour Party, led by Jeremy Corbyn, have steadily eroded her lead.

Corbyn has largely campaigned on a platform of not wanting the general public to die, and on the evidence that is he is a decent bloke. It has struck a chord with members of public who do not want to die.

Theresa May is not helped by the fact that she is actually really quite strange, prone to pulling odd faces and weird poses, repeating the same phrases over and over again, and seems to want swathes of the general public to die. Yes Die. She also claimed the naughtiest thing she has ever done was run through a field wheat.

Vote Corbyn! 


Text Felix Petty