Because you’ll never love anyone like you love your Wi-Fi connection.
Image via @officialseanpenn
Don't listen to people when they talk about candle-lit dinners and walks on the beach. Everyone knows the most romantic place on earth is the Internet. This Valentine's Day cast off expectations that you should be swooning under the stars or weeping beneath the sheets. Spend it the same way you spend every other day: trawling through the past quarter century of online activity.
To help you descend into a digital hole and feel zero regrets we've compiled a list of romantic online destinations. By romantic we don't mean boring handholding, but rather online content that really will make you feel complete. Whisper a sweet-nothing in your laptop's ear and remember, you'll never love anyone like you love your Wi-Fi connection.
Let's start with an easy one: The only thing more soothing than Tumblr's gentle scroll is 90s fashion. Minimalist shapes, flat shoes, neutral palates and the occasional nipple. It's everything you've been searching for, maybe not in a person, but at least in a URL.
A while ago we wrote about the appeal of wicca among young women. In fact if you like gender discussions, the outdoors, and crystals it might be the fringe culture for you. The Hoodwitch is a great intro to the community, place to buy smudge sticks and source of outfit ideas. But the site is also a sweet trove of writing on sexual health, alternative lifestyles and art. Who needs a date when you have abracadabra?
In a very different part of the Internet is Pop Culture Died in 2009: a bamboozling deposit of famous, infamous and forgotten celebrity moments from the first part of the century. It's not until you see it all lumped together that you realise the 2000s were a beautiful time for public emotional distress and comfortable pants options.
Caroline Goldfarb's feel good hit Official Sean Penn is a live action golden age of memes, pop culture throwbacks, OTT graphic design dreams, positive vibes and pictures of celebrities with animals. Caroline's non-sequiturs and passionate romance with weed makes this a worthy place to sink a Sunday afternoon.
You could find pretty much any ASMRI channel on Google and have the best day of your life with it. But for our pick, we'd send you to WhispersRed, SpringBokASMR and May Waver—they're all i-D staff favourites. For anyone who hasn't been assimilated into the cult of a stranger whispering quietly on YouTube, the movement is based around the phenomenon of certain sounds inducing a pleasant feeling in your brain. That sounds weird, but it's hard to explain the cerebral tingles. Not everyone responds to the dreamy audio simulations, but if they work for you it'll be a forever kind of love.