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what next for one direction?

As the World's Biggest Boyband agree to consciously uncouple, we hold back the tears and try to predict what the future holds for the fab five.

by Hattie Collins
|
24 August 2015, 11:33pm

I mourn, you mourn, we all mourn. We could all see it coming, but finally the dreaded day is upon us - One Direction are no more, One Direction is dead, Long Live One Direction and all who sailed in her. #RIPNiallHarryLiamLouis. As the World's Biggest Boyband finally break up, we predict the future of the foursome - and Zayn - as they set sail into the solo dawn….

Harry Styles
Two years ago, Styles was the hottest shit since shit got hot, but it feels like everyone's favourite serial shagger has gone a bit off the boil recently. Can we blame (whisper) Zayn? Harry must have been livid that Malik got to 'do a Robbie' first when Harry was clearly hating the whole experience as much as, if not more than, Zayn. Ultimately, we fear for Harry - not his mental or physical health - but his musical choices. We foresee one of two directions - either an emo folk shoegaze album, or, worse, a John Newman style reinvention in which Harry sings ballads over 'D&B bangerz'.

Prediction: A number one single and album followed by an acting career in Danny Dyer helmed movies, before finally setting down in his forties with Louis.

Zayn Malik
No doubt livid about yesterday's announcement, Zayn needs to move fast if he wants to be first out of the 1D gate. But we don't think he need worry too much; the competition is solely between he and Harry, and as the most beautiful man on the world with as many issues as tattoos, Zayn is the infinitely more interesting potential pop star. We also hear that the music he's making (albeit not with Naughty Boy) is really rather excellent - lets not forget that Zayn was far and away the band's best vocalist. All he needs to do now is date Rihanna, and the world can implode. Pop needs a new rebel, and we think Zayn Malik is that man.

Liam Payne
Aka Wrong Direction, we would put serious cash on Liam descending into a hot mess, before remerging post-rehab around 2019 to reinvent himself as a TV host. His first gig, on This Morning, will be with his latest girlfriend, Keavy from Bewitched.

Louis Tomlinson
2015 hasn't been Louis' best year, has it? Already incredibly lucky to have scraped into The World's Biggest Boy band in the first place, his cash cow is about to dry up and who's going to support the baby now he's about to be a daddy? In exactly two decade's time, he is outed on the Sidebar of Shame pouring pints at All Bar One in Doncaster, where he was recently promoted to assistant manager. On the upside, Harry, who has been searching for Louis for years to no avail, finds him and finally their love can live free. They adopt children and bring them up with Liam's now teenager, an aspiring singer.

Niall Horan
Who?

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