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happy birthday isabella rossellini!

i-Con and Cover Girl Isabella Rossellini celebrates her birthday today and what better way to join her than with these five life important life lessons as gleaned from the lady herself.

Text David Ettridge

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  • green porno

    Follow your dreams. If you want to study the sex lives of animals, make costumes and re-enact their mating rituals, you go do that. Or anything else, as long as it makes you happy.

  • blue velvet

    Work with David Lynch. Isabella is the beating heart of this twisted pyscho-sexual fantasy and the object of our voyeuristic desires. Just make sure you have a safe-word if breath-play is involved…

  • death becomes her

    Don’t give it away; make them bitches pay! If you’ve got something that nobody else has, and that everybody wants, don’t give it away for free forever. Interns take note: you’re giving them a taster but make sure you cash in later.

  • madonna – erotica

    Sexual liberation is the key to a happy life. Don’t let anybody tell you what you can and can’t do in the bedroom – as long as it’s consensual, let yourself be free (and equally don’t do anything at all if that’s what floats your goat). Bonus lesson: if Madonna asks you to appear in her video? You say yes.

  • friends – the one with frank jr.

    Be open to the unexpected. After all, if Isabella Rossellini walks in to your local coffee shop, what could be worse than having laminated that list?