IT'S BACK! 13 episodes all at once on Netflix. Call in sick, cancel your friendships, buy a huge block of cheese and sit down for the second season of the best show on TV. Last season finished on a banging cliffhanger where Piper went mental and beat up the tiny crackhead, securing at least another three seasons for us with a no doubt epically extended sentence. Season 1 was full of characters, some who made prison look quite pleasant (Yoga Jones, the hot soldier prison guard), and some who made prison look like prison (Tiffany, Red). Early on, Piper attracts some unwanted attention when Crazy Eyes makes her a prison wife. A prison wife, for those who haven't been inside, is basically a girlfriend in prison; you stick up for each other, perform wifely duties and hold hands, wink wink. With plenty of totty behind the bars, we picked our top five prison wives in OITNB. Such an awkward acronym.
Crazy Eyes is called Suzanne and the nickname isn't exactly creative. She's sweet in a very scary way, and takes things to heart. When someone disses Piper, who she thinks is her wife and keeps calling Dandelion, she stands up and shouts "I will cut you b*tch. you don't know me". It's frightful, but loyal. Minus the weeing incident and her general vibe, Crazy Eyes would be a palatable prison wife.