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i wanna be friends with Jennifer Lawrence

so, so much.

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I'm stating the obvious but fuck me, Jennifer Lawrence. She's so ridiculously everything. Sat in the cinema on Saturday night watching American Hustle, I thought (I'm sorry but), Amy Adams why did you bother? With her trailer trash hair, nasty acrylic nails and annoying accent, Jennifer is the film; with her in it, it's worth it. Following the scene where her bum goes up and chest goes down as she lures Christian Bale to bed in a see-through white leotard, Jennifer Lawrence in American Hustle is all anyone's been thinking about during sex this week.

Just nominated for a Bafta in the best supporting actress category, and beating both a 9-year-old and an 86-year-old to the punch with her Best Actress Oscar last year, Jennifer is officially the number one actress in the world. We're a planet obsessed by the flesh and brain-stock of a 23-year-old Girl-God from Kentucky. Yes, she's wholly good-looking and has a sense of humour, but so do lots of other actresses, like Emma Stone, Aubrey Plaza, Rashida Jones and… probably others. But it's Jennifer we want to be friends with, it's Jennifer we want to say in a friendly way "don't cut your hair" to, and it's Jennifer we all, come on really, would swap personalities, bodies and faces with before the drop of a hat. J.Lo, you've just lost all initial privileges.

Here's a list of the things I think make Jennifer Lawrence The One.

1. I don't think she eats organic food.
It would be an interesting line graph - the rate at which people's hate for Gwenyth Paltrow grows compared to the rate at which people's love for Jennifer Lawrence grows, and one of the biggest contributing factors would be organic/vegan/loser food. Here are some of my favourite things Jen has said about food. I just want to eat sausage rolls with her...

"I'd rather look chubby on screen and like a person in real life."

"In Hollywood, I'm obese. I'm considered a fat actress, I'm Val Kilmer in that one picture on the beach."

"I eat like a caveman. I'll be the only actress that doesn't have anorexia rumours."

2. Everyone agrees she's funny.
This is a really hard thing to achieve. Usually some people think you're funny and other people think you're the opposite of funny. Everyone thinks Jennifer is funny. Jack Nicholson thinks she's funny. The Hollywood schmooze who was interviewing her when Jack Nicholson interrupted them at the Oscars thought she was funny. I think she's funny. My dad thinks she's funny. See her Val Kilmer comment above. See her press conference interview where she's a bit pissed. See her Oscar stack. All agreed.

3. She has an evil smile.
Google it. She looks a bit like a cat when she smiles. It's not a Hollywood smile. Something happens with the lips and the teeth and the eyes, which individually are perfect, but when breaking into a CHEESE, go mental. It's so great.

4. I forgot she was in X Men.
Jennifer plays the constantly naked blue woman (Mystique) in X Men: First Class. Also the movie she met her jammy-bastard-boyfriend Nicholas Hoult in. There must be something about the boy...

5. She IS hope.
Katniss Everdeen, maybe my best friend after Jennifer Lawrence, is the symbol and the embodiment of hope for the districts in Hunger Games. She's the revolution, the mocking jay, the saviour. And everyone says Hunger Games is a dystopian microcosm of actual life, which all points towards the conclusion that Jennifer might in fact be the son of god.

6. She has a really normal family.
Jennifer's parents are called Gary and Karen Lawrence. And there's a photo of Karen at the Oscars wearing flip flops under her dress, probably because her feet hurt after a while in stilettos. Yes Karen! Jennifer also has two older brothers and the photo of them almost rugby tackling her in a congratulations hug on Oscar night is just lovely.

7. She actually reads fan mail!
On the official Jennifer Lawrence fan site, there's a legit fan mail address. It's PO Box 6509
Louisville, KY 40206. See you there.

@Sarah_Raphael