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I want to be friends with Kate Moss, Anna Wintour and Kendall Jenner

I always wanted to be in Cats the musical. So imagine my delight when I was photographed behind Kate Moss, Anna Wintour and Kendall Jenner on Sunday at the Topshop show. (Anna's in the second shot, click the image to see it). About 3 millimetres of face space on the Showbiz tab of the Daily Mail, quite a way down the article, turned out to be the most famous moment of my life. It's true what they (don't) say: All-consuming, international fame really does strike when you least expect it.

Fashion week seats are a big deal in the fashion industry. I had always thought the quality of view was the most important thing, until I was sitting quietly pretending to text someone instead of admitting the truth - that I didn't know Amber from Made in Chelsea well enough to start a conversation, when Kate Moss, Anna and Kendall sat down in front of me and I realised a) that they all have incredible hair, and b) that the backs of celebrity's heads is a genuinely brilliant view to be given at fashion week. And I say that without a hint of irony.

Sir Philip Green was also there, but with all due respect, his hair was less enticing than the three women.

There were about four other people on my row, also in shot of the masses of cameras that appeared from thin air once Kate and Anna and Kendall had taken their seats. But they obviously hid better than I did. Which probably makes them better journalists than me.

The experience was the first time I realised that I really really do care about celebrities and anything I've ever said opposed to that is a plain lie. So here are a few things I noticed from my seat of privilege. Of course I could write individual columns about wanting to be friends with all three and state hundreds of spectacularly more relevant reasons than the backs of their heads but…

- At first i didn't realise Kendall was Kendall. She seemed to be saving a seat for Anna, so I assumed she was Anna's assistant. And I was unjustifiably pissed off at Anna for having such a pretty assistant. And then I realised it was Kendall, and her prettiness no longer hurt me, because she's so famous. 

- Kendall's back was wearing a black jacket with leather sleeves, and there were a few hairs and bits of fluff stuck to the jacket, a thing that happens to all people who wears coats, but I was gobsmacked to learn that it happens to celebrities too. Of course, I assumed someone followed them with one of those cat hair removing sticky scroll things, real name unknown, to ensure it didn't happen. Though it actually hadn't happened to Anna's coat, so I revert to my original assumption that someone in fact does follow her with such a device.

- Anna's bob surpassed all expectation, but I was surprised by the blonde highlights in it, which didn't enter the picture when I previously thought about Anna's bob, which now I'm telling the truth, was/ is/ will continue to be quite often. The bob was incredibly voluminous, I would go so far as to say determined, and I admired it a lot.

- Kendall's voice was a bit lower and altogether more serious than I had previously thought. She spoke to Anna a bit, I think she said something about New York, or her car, or fashion, but I can't remember. She was cool all over. 

- While Kendall and Anna's hair was all one length, straight across the back, Kate's was quite layered and she had an earring poking through on the top of her ear. I liked that. She spoke to Philip a lot, and then spoke to Richard Storer, who's now global PR of Topshop, someone I really like, and the fact that Kate liked him too pleased me no end. I thought about leaning in and saying "Richard's great, isn't he?" But that would have been beyond weird.

- Half way through the show, Natalie Massenet leaned in and whispered to Philip, something like (I'm paraphrasing) "It's a great show!" to congratulate him. He accepted the compliment very gracefully, maybe it was with a nod. That scene didn't leave much of a lasting impression on me other than I really like Natalie Massenet too. If she was in the shot that I'm in (she's in the second shot), I would have also included her in this, but you have to draw the line somewhere with celebrity friends.

- Kate was sat next to her little sister Lottie Moss. I've always liked the name Lottie on account of a particularly aspirational acquaintance I had in year 4. The Moss sisters sat in exactly the same position: left leg crossed over right leg, arms crossed, faces perfect. The Daily Mail probably ran another article like "Lottie imitates Kate!" but I'm pretty sure it was a happy coincidence and not a PR stunt.

Well, that's really all I could discern from my position. I think I made the most of it. I could have attempted a hair sniff, but I'm not that sad!


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